Is it ok to be lonely?

For most of us, the Christmas and New Year's part of the year is one of the most happiest times of the year, a lot of "live" for this two holidays. Giving gifts, decorating the house with lights, mistletoe, a Christmas tree with lots of gifts, parting on New Year's Eve, getting drunk and singing "Old Lang Syne" when the New Year rings in. The family gets together on Christmas, kids get excited and play with their new toys that Santa brings them.
But not everyone has all them. This Chirstmas some people will spend it alone. There are many reasons for this. Some people are down on their luck, some have lost everything in the recession, some have no home, no friends, no family, due to different reasons. Some like me, chose to be alone.
My great-neice is always telling me, "you need to get a girlfriend and get married," but I see not reason reason too. I live my life alone and I am very happy.
My mom die when I was 8 years old, so I guess I never learned how to interact with women very well. During high school I had many crushes, most laughed and teased me when they found out about my crush, except four girls, these four are the ones I really liked, four girls I would never forget, even to this day.
At first I protected my heart because I was tired of getting hurt, now I protect it to prevent wasting my time on another relationship doomed to failure. I protect my heart to such of an extreme, that I would sacrifice my sanity to protect it [something I've done once].
The four girls I mentioned did something that was I thought was impossible, they got through my defenses and touched my heart. I don't know how they did it, but two of them actually did it twice, once in high school and once twenty-five years later.
After my two failed marriages, I decided I had enough. I stay away from parties [I never learned how to deal with large groups anyways], keep to myself, never let anyone close [except the four women I mentioned], and gon on living. I am independent, self-sufficiant, I do have a few good friends I can talk to when I need to talk, so I see no reason to change this.
But most importantly, I am happy being alone. I know I have affected many lives with my witty humor [I'm known for my comic-relief], I also have many, many friends.
Maybe I'll that "one" woman who can accept me for who I am and fall madly in love [if that really exists], but I really doubt it. She would have to be able to what those four women have done, and that it is highly unlikely. I don't know how they did it, something I will always wonder about, mabye it's left a mystery.
As far as those four special women, I talk to two of them almost every day on FaceBook. One knows who she is [and I look forward to her comment on this post, LOL]. the other I don't think she remembers me from high school very much [after all she's blonde, LOL] and how special she is. The third is on FaceBook, but has refused contact with me for reasons unkown. The fourth is still out there somewhere, all my friends from high school days say she just "disappeared". So what is wrong with being alone?

........One last note: Sorry for the blonde reference, just couldn't pass it up, LOL.

Recently I have been listening to my IPod and I have a couple of songs that got me thinking. The first song got me thinking about what I would do for love. In the song, the singer known as "Meatloaf" says, "I would do anything for love, I would run right up to hell and back, I would do anything for love..."

In another song, Bryan Adams says, "You can't tell me it's not worth trying for, you can't tell me it's not worth dying for..." So my question is: What would you do for love?

Love is a very powerfull emotion, there are many different kinds of love, and many different degrees of love. I have been in many relationships, I would have to say the first time I was in love was back in high school. I met a girl from the rival high school at a afterschool activity and eventually gave her my first kiss. She would disappear from my life, but she left an imprint on me that would be permanent. The next girl I fell in love the next year at school had several of the qualities of the "first." Over the next 25 years a lot of women I met and was interested in had those qualities as well.

My next (and last) "real" love was about 5-6 years ago. After my first divorce, I got involved with a married woman I worked with. I broke the first rule of affairs, don't fall in love. When I wanted her to leave her husband, she broke it off.

Ok, back to subject. Bryan Adams continues in his song saying, "I would fight for you, I'd lie for you, walk the world for you, I'd die for you....."

I think that most of the love we think we feel, is really lust and desire. If you were to know that you can feel really true love; what would do for it? Seriously, I don't really know what I would for really true love. I guess we don't really know until it happens.

Oh, one last thing, lately I have been running into long lost crushes from high school, including my first love from high school. Even though she doesn't remember "the kiss" (I guess it wasn't as good as I thought), we have become good friends and talk often.

Day of Infamy

On December 8, 1941, Franklin D. Roosevelt went before a joint congress and uttered those now famous, "December 7, 1941, a date that will live in infamy...."

Almost every person has a "day of infamy" in their lives. For me it was October 3, 1973, the day my mom died. That day my life would change forever. I would no longer be the person I was, but started on my journey to become the person I am today.

I was only 8 years old when that happened, my life would take a spiral turn downward, one that would take me over 20 years to recover from. Not every year now is bad for me at this time, but I am getting better, each year brings me another step forward.

For me, this event brought me to the brink of suicide, the loss of every friend I ever had, and hardship in dealing with relationships. I have been divorced twice, have an revengeful ex who keeps refuses to let me talk to my kids.

But in the recent several years, I have made great strides in recovery, several long lost friends have reentered my life again, one bringing much needed postive influence in my life. Even though I may never fully recover from the tragedy that happened, I hope faith that one day I will look upon all that has happen and be happy that she is in a better place now.

We must never forget what brought us to this time and point in our lives. Everything that has ever happened to me I try to use daily to help others bring order into their lives from all the choas in the world.

And I end this blog with a reminder to all who read this, that at this very point in time, we are the sum of all that has happened to us, both good and bad, and to change just one thing, reguardless of how small or large, we would not be the person we are. Remember God loves us all, and always will. Take care my friends.

IN MEMORIAM

IN MEMORIAM: JOANNE JOYCE SMITH JULY 28, 1938-OCTOBER 3, 1973

Our Wonderful President [Part 1]

This photo was taken by AP news service.

How many of you voted for our wonderful president? I have to admit that I did. Now looking back as to how our wonderful president is doing, I have to say I regret voting for him. Actually I did not want to vote for either him or McCain, basically I voted for Edward Biden for Vice-Presient.

Our economy still has not improved, I know it will take time, and I do believe that it MAY have bottomed out, but that really remains to be seen. Since President Obama was sworn in, he has spent trillions of dollars to buy banks, auto manufactuers [namely GM], insurance companies and God knows what else. If he [and Congress] want to save money, why don't they lead by example, take a pay cut, at least until the economy gets better, show the American people that they are willing to make sacrifices.

Yesterday [July 23, 2009], President Obama went to Chicago [from Washington D.C] to pust his latest spending plan, overhauling the health care system. He flew on Airforce 1, which if he was going from state to state, or spend a few days here, no problem, but he wasted a whole lot of money to fly here [Chicago] spend a few hours talking about health care, visited his house, talked to baseball pitcher [he pitched a perfect game], then flew home, all on the same day. What a waste of money, I know that it is his "private" plane, but it costs a lot of money to fly that thing just for one little press conference. It would have been cheaper to fly commercially, chartering a plane from United, Contential, American or US Airways.

I know I am not an expert on economics, I never attended college, I am a self educated man, but I really think there is a lot of money spent on things that are pointless. If we could cut all that "pork spending" out, we would most likely have the debt paid off in my generation. Oh Mr. President, I know you are not entirely to blame for all the pork spending, your buddies in Congress and the Senate are just equally to blame. I can go on an on about our wonderful President so I will continue this again tomorrow, and I will tell everybody about the letter my dad got in the mail..............{TO BE CONTINUED}

What Photographers Do For A Shot

For the last few weeks I have been getting back into Photography. I have learned that when a photographers go anywhere, wheather they are driving, walking, on the bus, subway, train, they are always looking for interesting shots.

Recently I was talking to a photographer friend of mine. We were talking about the things we do for shots. A few years ago I was at the local beach here. I was way out at the end of the breakwater when a very severe thunderstorm came up. Back then I just had a disposible film camera, but there I was standing on this breakwater taking pictures of the storm, not paying attention to all the lightning strikes hitting the water. I was thinking, "Kevin what a stupid idiot you are for standing in such a dangerous location" LOL.

Yesterday, I was at my sister's house. She was in front of the house and saw a great big grey bag stuck in a bush. She went to grab it and realized it was a large hornet's nest. She came inside and told me. So you think I cared about if my sister got stung or is ok? NO, I grabbed my camera and asked where was the hornets nest. For 5 minutes I kneeled in front of the bush snapping photos. The shot on the left is one of those. She was concerned that I might get stung, but I didn't care about that, all I cared about was getting a good shot, LOL. I told if I was perfectly still, left them alone, and acted like I belonged there, I would be ok. I got many shots, without getting stung.

This shot was taken this morning. I was driving to work and saw the sun coming up over the clouds and had to stop to take a few shots. Luckily there was no traffic behind me as I changed lanes extremely quickly so I can pull over and take them.

As a photographer I find I will do almost anything to get a shot. I won't do anything illegal, but I will risk getting stung, electrofied in water by lightning and crashing into something to pull over. This is my wacky life, it's a miracle I have survived this long, LOL

Fire!!!

What is our fasination with fire? Why do we like to sit and watch a fire burning in our fireplaces or sit around a campfire and watch it burn?

Last night my sister had a few friends over and made a small fire in her fire pit in her backyard. They sat there talked, toasted marshmellows, gossiped for hours. They drank some wine, caught up on girl talk.

I was just fasinated with how it burned. Being a retired volunteer fireman, fire has always fasinated me. I enjoyed put them out as much as watching them burn.

The heat from the fire really felt nice since it was a littel chilly. My niece was toasting marshmellows, she fell asleep watching it. My sister and her friends were talking, enjoying the fire until a little past midnight. The fire in the photo is a shot of the fire last night.

People have been fasinated by fire since it was first discovered, people have been trying to control it, tame it and use it since, but fire is dangerous, no matter how much we try, we will never be able to control or tame it.

Garage Sales

Every summer you see the signs on almost every corner, "Garage Sale" they usually have an arrow pointing down a street or have an address on it.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow morning, my sister has been having a garage sale selling all the junk that she, myself and the rest of immediate family have collected over the last 2 years.

I am selling among other junk, a "Windows '98" computer and a printer. So far [as of this writing] I made a whopping $14. My sister has made about $150.

Yesterday, we didn't too much business, don't know why, but it was a slow day. Today however, was busier.

The first wave lasted about 2 hours, it was mostly white and black people, no big problems, we sold quite a few things, no bargining, they just waited for my sister to total everything up and paid her. Then it was quiet for about 45 minutes.

Then the second wave hit, the Mexicans. They all undestood the price my sister told them, but they didn't want to listen, my sister would tell them $5, they would counter $1, some of them said no and walked away unhappy, the others, they eventually were able to come to a price my sister was happy with.

The third wave, the Russians, were no better. They expected to pay a quarter [25 cents] for a child's outfit that sold for $35 [original tags still on] and marked $5, which is a great deal. I know the economy is bad, but does that mean everything should sell for nothing.

Tomorrow will be worst, they know it's the last day and people want to get rid of everything. My sister is donating everything to charity. The clothes go to our state's child services, they take in clothing for the foster kids in need of clothing. The computers and printers will go to a place called Allendale, they help people with ADD, who are Bi-Polar learn and get training they need to survive and get jobs. They also house children and adults with severe emotional and mental problems who could not survive without constant care.

photo is of the garage sale sign in front of sister's house

Living in a Plastic World

Today the world we live in is basically a plastic world. Since plastic was first invented in 1892, but wasn't widely used until the 1950's. Since 1976 plastic has been the most widely used substance in the world.

Almost everthing made today is either entirely made of plastic or is mostly plastic. In the 1950's cars were made entirely of steel, they lasted forever, a lot of them are still on the road today, just go to a classic car show. Today, we buy "disposable cars" mostly made of plastic, they last only 5 years, 10 if you really take care of them. From soda bottles, baby bottles, diapers, breast implants, cell phones all are only a few examples of plastic things in our lives. These are things that were made of much better materials, but for convience and profits, they are made of cheap plastic.

If sceintists were to say tomorrow that the center of the Earth is actually made of plastic, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. In 1969, men stepped on the moon for the first time, the spacecraft they flew in was made of aluminum, at some places it was about 1mm thick. Now the shuttle has very little metal in it, mainly for cost and weight reason, mostly for the cost. Even the airlines are looking to plastic, not because it's safer, but because it is cheaper and weighs less than metal.

What ever happened to making things last a long time. I guess it's not very profitable to do that, it is better to make things to fall apart after a short time so people would have to go to the store and replace it.

So what if we boycotted everything that is made of plastic and go back to "old school" living? I don't think society could handle it. Just imagine, changing cloth diapers, not using plastic disposibles? Paying a fortune for a car made from steel, instead of buying a cheap disposible car made of plastic. Ladies, what if your unhappy with your beast size, I guess you have to live with it, plastic boobs would be out of the question.

My point is, society today, could not live without the invention called, "plastic." The world would come to a stand still if all the plastics in the world were taken away.

I Think I Live In Mexico

Good evening everybody, sorry for not posting in a while, I have been distracted by a few things. Last Sunday I took a walk to our community beach on the shore of Lake Michigan. The small road I had to walk down was a winding road past the drywall factory, past the boat yards. I know it has been about 3 years since I been to the beach, but was amazed by the changes.

The first thing I noticed was a big metal gate, it was open at the time, but I noticed a sign that said the beach was closed between 7PM and 6AM. I wonder when they added that I asked myself. I was planning to get a few shots of the sunrise, because the beach is the only place to get really good photos of it. I guess that is now out of the question.

A few feet down the road was the big "Waukegan Municipal Beach" sign, I was happy to see that, I was tired. As I walked through the parking lot I noticed all the signs. They all were written in English on the top, and Spanish on the bottom.

Anymore I think I live in Mexico not the United Sates of America. Why is everything done to please the mexicans? If I were to go to Mexico City, would there be signs in English as well as Spanish, no there would not be, unless maybe you are in one of the big resort towns. I thought when you became a citizen of this country, you had to learn the language. I found this next sign along the breakwater. Luckily, I know some Spanish, otherwise, how would I know what it meant, there was no English translation. In English it means: "Warning Restricted Zone No Walking." Is this America or Mexico?

The next thing the mexicans will demand is that Spanish is spoken in our courts and schools, and have the English language as only the secondary language in this country. If they don't like the way we run our country, why don't they go back to Mexico. I feel that Mexico is secretly trying to take over this country by sending all the people here.

A Wealth of Knowledge Within......

I took a picture this morning of a plaque [see above photo] that said "A Wealth of Knowledge Within...." It is a plaque on the side of the library where I go everyday to connect to the internet. Many people see the library as just a building with a bunch of books, many people think it's a building that just drains our tax dollars and think libraries are old, obeslete, out dated, and antiques in this internet age and shelves full of books on audio cd. Many people simply do not have the time to sit and read anymore in this fast paced world. The books inside this building is only a fraction of the sum of our knowledge we gathered throughout the ages. When a library is destroyed, like in New Orleans when Hurricane Katrina hit, it impacts the entire community as well as indiviuals. When a library is destroyed, the books can be replaced, but while the long process takes time, children and adults are lost without the ability to go there and learn.

This phrase can also be used for senior citizens. They are full of stories, information, and knowledge that can be shared with thier grand children who can tell their grand children and so on. We as a society view seniors as something that should be put aside and forgotten. We think that they are out of touch of this fast paced world we live in. No one is interested how they used to do things the "old school way," or "the old fashioned way." We think that if is done faster, it's better. My generation has seen the invent of: the microwave, cell phones, computers, lap tops, and countless other gadgets to make life easier for us. I remember when stores sold "penny candy, candy bars were twenty cents, returnable bottles, and a few other things that people of this generation think are only stories to amuse them. We, the people of this world, do not realize the wealth of knowledge that our senior's have inside them. "Back in the day," they may have done things slower, took a little longer to get from point A to point B, but the quaility of life, in my opinoin, was better. Even I have fallen victim to the necessity of needing: my cell phone, laptop, internet, color television, cable, and a bunch more high tech gadetry. Heck, if you took my laptop away from I don't think I could even function, LOL.

The point I am trying to make is, we need to utilize our libraries, talk to our grand parents [or go to a senior's home if you don't have any], and appreciate the value of what knowledge can bring you, you may even find your life actually improving.

A New Perspective

Since I have decided to get back into photopraphy, my prespective on the world has changed slightly. Photography is a great hobby for me. I walk everywhere I go, sometimes I take the bus, but most of the time I am walking. Walking every where I go gives me the opportunity to take the time to see everything that is around me. People who are diving can't, they have to remain focused on the road and other traffic, so it is difficult for them to see all the interesting things around.

The world is full of interesting things to see and capture in a photograph. Photography has opened my eyes to alot more things that I took for granted. Like the photo above. I was walking to the library through some road construction and stopped to take a few shots. The men who were working stopped and went to lunch, I was disappointed. Then this little guy started flying around a support cable for a telephone pole and then landed on the cable. I took several shots, but it was difficult to capture him, he was rather high up, but then another dragonfly came and they flew around a bit, then he landed lower on the same cable and I was able to capture this shot.

It is amazing that God has put this little dragonfly on this Earth for a purpose. While I am walking now, I am always looking for something interesting to photograph, and because of this, it has given me a new prespective on things. I now can see all the wonderful things that God has put on this Earth for all of us to enjoy. Each insect, animal, thing has it purpose for the greater good.

I now enjoy walking even more now. Always looking for that next interesting thing to photograph. I was hoping to have some nice photos of the sun rising this morning, but the rain prevented me today, hopefully tomorrow. Life is too short to be racing through life going from one place to the next. We should all find the time to stop. look at the clouds floating by, smell the flowers, just enjoy the day that God has given us.

Just A Stroll

Yesterday was Independence Day, I decided to to get out of the house, away from television, away from the internet, and go and take some photos. I left my dad's house and walked down Belvidere Rd. It is a very busy road ususally, but it being a holiday there was not much traffic. As a photographer, I try to keep my eyes moving around looking for something interesting. There is always something interesting to shoot. As I walked down the street I realized how, we as a society, throw our trash alongside the road, I seen beer bottles, soda cans, left overs from fast food resturants, clothes [I actually seen a full set in a 1/2 miles stretch, including underwear, pants, socks, shirt, bra, and shoes, makes me wonder if some lady is running around naked, LOL], and other garbage. It made me sad that we treat our planet this way.

After walking down Belvidere Rd. for an hour, I entered the DesPlaines River trail, I started walking north and looking around for wildlife to shoot. I didn't see any but I did take some shots of the river and several scenery shots on the trail. I couldn't stop very long to snap a picture, every time I did stop, I got swarmed by mosquitos who must have smelled fresh blood. There were so many, they could have all picked me up and carried me off. After about 45 minutes I came to Washington St.

I decided to go west on Washington St. I quickly came upon Six Flags over Great America. I snapped a few shots of a rollercoaster and a ride there. I moved on and found my shot for the day [the above photo]. Out of my entire stroll this is the only house that displayed any decoration for Indepence Day. I think this is "the" best shot of the day. This made me sad, when I was a kid, everybody had flags on their houses, they "actually" celebrated what the day stands for, I think that this generation has forgotten that. Anyways, I pressed onward. I finally, after 2 1/2 hours of walking came across a park where they were going to have a fireworks display, only to find out it was cancelled and rescheduled for the next day, due to the threat of rain. So after sitting for a couple of minutes I started my walk back.

I went directly down Washington St. I did not go through the trail, because I am not sure how safe it was after dark. By this time it was getting dark very quickly. By the time I got half way home it was very dark. I came across a family that had some very impressive fireworks, they were setting them off very close to the street I was on. I was able to get a few good shots of them, especially since I was right under them, they were going off right above my head.

Those were the last photos I took on my stroll, it was dark and I wanted to get home before the rain started. I got home just over 5 hours later. I walk 5 miles in 1 hour and 15 minutes, so at that speed, it comes to a 20 mile walk, in the end of all my photo taking, I took 115 photos. I was exhausted, I haven't walked that much in years, but it was a great little stroll. I have posted some of the shots on my FaceBook page for anyone interested. Take care and stay safe.......Kevin

Crazy Women

Are women in this county so lonely and desparate that they jump at any chance they get to find what they think "Mr. Right" is? Why does society say that everybody must be with someone? Why does society think that anyone who wants to be single, is strange or weird? Why does society think that anyone who doesn't want to find a guy or gal is gay or a lesbian? I have been asking myself these questions for a long time. I can't seem to understand this.

I do not believe in love, I do believe in lust at first sight. Over the past year I have tried to make new friends among the opposite sex. Everytime I starting chatting with someone on yahoo messenger, the same thing happens, usually after a few days of emails, and several days of chatting on messenger, maybe even with a few chats on the phone, it happens, she starts making plans for our wedding, and all this is before I even meet any of them.

I have been married twice, both has ended in disaster, I can't imagine myself going through all that again. The first one we argued all the time, nothing I did seem to be good enough for her. The second, all she wanted to do was use me, she was in this country illegally and thought she was an American citizen just because she married me.

Ok, back to the discussion, LOL. It seems that most women are desparate to find a nice, sweet guy. I have been told by many women that I just that. I can't tell any names here, but they seem to be everywhere. Why do these women think, that after a few phone calls, a few emails, a few chats on yahoo messenger, that they know me enough to marry me. For all they know, I could be a stalker, serial rapist or killer, some wacked out pervert just looking to have sex with anyone, and the list goes on.

What ever happened to the old fashioned courtship. You go out with them for maybe a year, get to know them, both mentally, physically and intimately, then decide if they are worth the time and effort of marriage. It seems to me that all everybody is looking for these days is a quick solution to loneliness.

I have fallen into this trap not once, but twice. When I met my first wife, we were married within 3 months of our first date. With my second wife, it was even quicker, within a month and a half. I have told myself, I would not let this happen again. As a result, I have no trust what so ever in women, they are good for only one thing, cause pain to men [I bet you were thinking sex, LOL].

There is one woman who is an exception to this, I knew her in high school, and after 25 years we ran into each other on the internet, we have become good friends, one who I would trust with my life.

In this fast paced world with the internet, cell phones, computers, and all the high tech gadetry, we should take the time to get to know each other and become friends and get to know each other, maybe the world will be a better place to live, and the divorce rate won't be as bad. Take care everyone........Kevin

The Demon Cat From Hell

Today and through Sunday, I am cat-sitting a 14 year old cat for my dad. I will start from the begining about her.

During one of the periods I was separated from my first ex, I got a lovable and playful kitten. I named her Trouble, I had a feeling that name would eventually fit her perfect. Shortly afterward, my dad got a very playful kitten, he had a lot of problems training him and wanted a more subdued cat. When me and my ex got back together, her and the cat did not get along very well at all. So I traded Trouble for Tiger. This demon cat from hell would never forget that.

Over the years, my dad moved from NJ to FL to IL. Last year when my dad went to Indiana, he asked me to watch this cat from hell. One morning, while giving her water, she tried to bite me. I chewed her up and down, telling her she should be grateful for me taking the time to feed her and give her fresh water. I never saw her for the remaining few days. I knew she was alive, her food and water was disappearing and her shit box was dirty.

This year, my dad once again asked me to watch her while he is in Indiana. Appearently she is pissed about this. She has tried to bite 4 times today [as of this posting], she also shit and pissed all over my dad's bed and has taken up residence in the guest room on the spare bed, and she will not allow me in there, LOL.

This is truely a demon cat from hell [picture above is her], I can picture her laying on Satan's lap, letting him pet her while she purrs. So the question is, who will survive, the demon cat from hell or me?

Take care and tomorrow I will blog about my ability to attract crazy women, LOL

Babysitting

First I would like to apologize for not posting anything new lately. I have been working long hours and was extremely tired and stressed.

On my weekends I babysit my great neices and nephew for my sister. She has custody of her grandkids, basically because my idiot nephew and his wife got involved with drugs. Anyway, these are some of the best kids to babysit. Except for a few times when they are brats, they are well behaved [they are the best when they are sleeping, see above pictures].

The 2 smaller ones love to be photographed. Little Jason is two years old and going throught the "terrible twos" right now. He is a funny little kid most of the time, but when he gets mad, watch out, he can be the baddest little demon around, LOL.

The word I think of when I think of the middle kid, Kirstin, is "bitch." LOL. I pity the guy who marries her, she will not ask for anything, she demands it, she doesn't care if your busy, she wants it "NOW!" LOL. She can be the bitch one minute and a loving little angel the next, you never know which one you'll get from one moment to the next. She doesn't do that for me any more, she knows I don't stand for it, instead of getting what she wants, she'll get a time out instead. She is 3 years old going on 30, LOL.

The third kid is Rhianon, she is the good one of the three. She helps me out with the other 2 whenever I need it. She can be a bit bossy, thinking she is in charge. She also has a lot of medical conditions, which require special training to handle. She has Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes. She wears an insulin pump which has to be changed every 3 days. Every few hours, her glucose [blood sugar] level must be checked. After every meal, or snack, her glucose level must be entered along with the total carbs she ate, then the pump figures out how much insulin is needed and delivers it directly to her, via a tube that that is attached to her body.

I love these kids, even when the act like little demons. I spend my entire weekend helping and watching the kids for my sister so her and her husband can go and unwind and relax a bit. They are great kids really, just a little understood. The oldest has a lot of issues from the way her parents treated her, but we are working on that. This weekend is my "off" weekend, something that is rare. Instead of watching the kids, I'm watching my dad's "demon cat from hell." I'll tell you about her tomorrow, until then, take care.

IF OUR LIFE WAS A TV SHOW

If your life was a television show, what kind would it be? Would it be a comedy, drama, science fiction, porn? My life has taken so many curves, turns, twists, valleys, hills, that it isn't funny.

I invision my life to be a soap opera. Every night when I go to bed, I can imagine hearing that announcer say, "What will happen to Kevin tomorrow? Will his new flame turn out to be another devil in angel clothing? Will Kevin ever find true love? Will Kevin ever find happiness? Tune in tomorrow for another episode of "The Wacky Adventures of Kevin Smith!" LOL

Sometimes I wonder how I ever got myself in these situations. Then I wonder how I ever got out of it smelling like a rose, rather than yesterday's garbage. I always have come on top, reguardless of the situation or circumstances.

I've had many people tell me, "You're a loser," "You're pathetic." I beg to differ, I see myself as a winner. I have several very good friends, I finally learned that a woman can be trusted, and a positive influence in life (you know who you are).

As I continue along the rest of my journey through life, I know I will have my friends there for me and God guiding me down the path. I may have downfalls, and low points, but they are just temporary and things change, they always do.

I know there is someone out there for me, I just need to look for her. I try to be a postive influence on the people I know, everyone I met, there is a reason behind it, weather if it is to benefit me, or benefit them.

My health could be a lot better, but I survive, I adapt. I will not let anything stop me, we must keep going.

Today 2 major icons died. That is what prompted me to write on this subject and share a bit of my "thinking" to everyone.

Farrah Fawcett died today. She was one of the original Charlie's Angels. I had a crush on her back in the 70's, and like every other boy, had a giant poster of her on my wall, LOL. It saddens me to hear of her passing, but with the pain and agony she has been in, I know it's best, that she is hopefully in a better place.

Micheal Jackson also died today. His song "Beat It" was our high school graduating class song. I find it hard to follow a guy who runs around a stage, wearing a glove on one hand, singing "Beat It." (I know I'll hear a lot on this, but it's how I feel). With all the allegations on his antics, only him and God know the truth. I do have one good thing to say about him: Out of all his crazy antics, the allegations, whatever he did, I do and always love the "Thriller" song and video.

And with that, I will say GOOD NIGHT FARRAH AND MICHAEL WHEREVER YOU ARE TONIGHT.

What Dreams May Come

When we were all small everyone had a dream. Every kid, reguardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor has a drem of what he/she wants to be when they grow up. Some want to be a policeman, weather girl on tv, photographer, bailerina, fireman, a bum, whatever that dream may be when you were small, now as an adult have you done what you wanted to do as a kid.

As we go through life, our dreams change. We start college with the goal of becoming what we wanted to be when we are kids, then half way through we change our dream and do something else. Sometimes our dreams are inspired by others, our parents, a celebrity, a good friend. Sometimes our dreams are inspired by tragic events, like the death of loved one or good friends. Sometimest they are even inspired by dreams we have in our sleep.

When I was kid, I wanted to be what a typical little boy always dreamed of, a policeman or fireman. Between my Junior and Senior years in High School, I joined the Army. When I went for my test to see what I "job" I qualified for, I found out I qualified for any job I wanted, except professional ones like Lawyer or Doctor. I ended up with Admistrative Specialist, that would eventually be my downfall. I wasn't thrilled with that, and after I arrived at Fort Jackson (Columbia), South Carolina, I discovered my first medical condition, but that is another story for another time. Anyways, Admistrative Specialist wasn't my dream or even an interest, so I eventually hit a dead end with that.

In my Senior year of High School, I took a Journalism class. I found out that I loved to write. I joined the school newspaper, "The Falcon," and even had one of my stories published in the local newspaper. The story was about "Junior Achievement." I met a wonderful girl from out rival school there (please read previous blog post "My First Kiss" for part that story). I didn't it then, but that person will be a driving force behind another passion I developed, Photography.

After 4 years I moved to North York, PA. It was there I lived one of my dreams, I became a volunteer fireman (see above picture). I lived there for 3 years then moved to Salem, NJ. I lived there and in the next town over for 10 years, for about the first 6 or 7 years, I was a volunteer firman at the fire departments there. I quit when I met my first wife.

By this time I was taking pictures and loving it. Me and my wife never got along, she discouraged me in everything I did. So the light that was shinning on my photography and writing went out.

I wasn't until I ran into my old friend from Junior Achievement that may dreams were just that. My friend encouraged me to start writing again. So I did. Currently I am on Chapter 4 of a book (soon to be novel) called "Redemption" (see Aspiring Writer blog for details). Friday, I will buy a digital camera and start taking pictures again, they will be posted on my FaceBook page for everyone to see. I am also starting a company, "J. Sterling Media." This company will the outlet for all my creative talents, both Writing and Photography. I love taking photos of animals, nature and scenery. I am now looking for a woman to pose for me to try my hand at photographing "real" people.

I would like to to encourage everyone to follow their dreams, no matter where it takes you. always ask God for guidance in your endevours. Take care and KEEP DREAMING........

[Above photo taken at the Liberty Fire Co. #1 in North York, PA. in 1988]

My First Kiss

I started attending Morton West High School in September of 1979. I only had a few friends then. I was a shy and loner who kept pretty much to himself. High School was 4 years of hell for me. I never did make very many friends, and almost every girl I had a crush on, made fun of me for it. There were some girls who I remember didn't, they were nice and sweet.

One girl in paticular, I met in Junior Achievement. Me, her and her best friend Cathy were a riot when we got together. One day around Christmass, I ran into the 2 of them while taking a walk. Cathy told me on the way back stop by and we could chat. I was scared out of my pants when I rang the doorbell. Cathy answered and I went in. Cathy knew I had a crush on her, so she asked me if I would kiss her under the mistletoe. I nervously said yes. She placed the mistletoe over her and I kissed her. What her and Cathy didn't know was, this was my first kiss. After Junior Achievement was over, she disappeared.

For 25 years I always wondered what ever happened to her. Then one day last October, I saw her name on Classmates. I looked at her profile and started thinking if I should write. I decided to let fate decide. The next day, she wrote me. She said that she knew we went to rival schools and just thought she would say hi.

I wrote back that I checked her profile out because I thought I knew her in Junior Achievement and was wondering if she was her. She wrote back she was and really didn't remember me. I was insulted, I told her about "My first kiss" and was upset she didn't remember. I guess she finally remembered who I was, but anyway now we are good friends, she is an amazing photographer.

FATHER'S DAY

Good Morning on this great Father's Day Sunday. I would like to start by saying HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the dad's out there. I am a fortunate person, my dad is 72 years old and still fiesty as ever. Me and my dad didn't always get along for many years we faught and argued, he still has problems seeing things from my point a view at times, but he lets me live the life I want to live.

I didn't speak with my father [or my family] for several years. When I married my second wife, my family rejected me because she was Mexican. The marriage didn't last long, only 7 months, but after the divorce we still did not speak for just over 3 years.

In the past 9 months that I have been talking with my dad [and family] we have resolved many of the issues that separated us. I am so grateful for this. Many children don't get the opportunity to take advantage of their fathers. Some don't speak to them because of the issues that have between them.

I have 2 children, a son Allen, and a daugther Amber. I am unable to speak with them due to problems with their mother. The divorce was very bitter and bad, many things were said, on both sides, even though I have appologized for everything, she has decided to continue to hate me. She knows the only way she can hurt me is keeping the kids from me. The only time I get to speak with them is whenever she wants something. I doubt I will get a call from my kids today, but I do believe in miracles.

The picture on this post is of my dad, 72 years old and still going and going, LOL.

Today everybody should take thier fathers to dinner, give them a hug and most of all, Tell them that you love them. Take care my friends, Have a Great Father's Day.......Kevin

Aspiring Writer

I am currently writing a novel called Redemption. As of this post I am in the middle of chapter 4. It is a book about a man, Jack Smith, who after being pushed so far after witnessing horrors while serving in Iraq, watching guilty criminals walk free on technicalities and finally having his daughters best friend raped and murdered by a man who was set free because of a bungling detective. He will be eventually be face-to-face with the rapist and must decide which path to follow, a path to self destruction and revenge or a path to salvation and justice.

I hope to have the novel finished and published in the next few months. At the moment, my real job is interfering with my attempts to finish writing the novel. I will keep everyone posted as the progress it takes.

The First Posting

I thought I would start my blog with a brief story about who I am.

I was born on June 4, 1965 in Saint Anthony hospital in Chicago. I lived and grew up in Berwyn, IL. I went to Karl Havlichek Elementary School when I began my quest for knowledge. When i was about 7, I was interested for the first time in girls, her name was Connie Voss. She was a good friend.

When I was 8, my mom died unexpectlly. I started a downward spiral that took many years to change. When I was 10 and in 6th grade, I was so sad and depressed, I no longer want to live. Luckily, that was caught and I eventually got straightened out.

After elementary school, it was off to Lincoln Jr. High. I was there only 2 years [7th and 8th grades], but I started paying attention to girls a lot. One in paticular. I had a serious crush on her that has never ended. But all attempts failed, I never told the girl I had a crush on her until just recently [25 years later, LOL].

After Lincoln I went to Morton West High School. My attempts at interacting with the girls all ended the same way, failure. My sophmore year, I met a girl, she even got my first kiss [although 25 years later she wouldn't remember it, LOL]. She was my only sucess at making good friends with the girls. I finally graduated, and it was off to the Army.

I washed out of basic training because of a medical problem dealing with extreme heat. I cam back from basic and was rejected as a failure by most of my friends and family. I sank lower into dispair.

In 1987, I moved with my father to Pennsylvania, I lived there for 3 years. I was a volunteer fireman, until I moved yet again in 1990 to New Jersey. I finally got a girlfriend shortly after moving there, lost my virginity [kind of late in life, LOL], and got married the first time.

The marriage lasted 7 years, all horrible. The only good things that came out of it were my son Allen and my daughter Amber. We divorced in 2002.

I got remarried quickly, but that ended in disaster too, it only lasted 7 months. I was sinking into dispair again. But all that changed about a year ago, I ran into a couple of old crushes on Classmates. The girl from jr. high and the one from my sophomore year.

I now reside in Waukegan, Il. and work for a company that makes slot machines. This is a brief summary of my life so far. I will go back and discuss some events in more detail later, but for the most part I would like to welcome everyone to my Wacky Life.